O maiden aunt, you have come to call.
Do step into the hall!
With your bold
Gecko, the little flick!
All cogs, weird sparkle and every cog solid gold.
And I in slippers and housedress with no lipstick!
And you want to be shown about!
Yes, yes, this is my address.
Not a patch on your place, I guess, with the Javanese
Geese and the monkey trees.
It’s a bit burnt-out,
A bit of a wild machine, a bit of a mess!
O I shouldn’t put my finger in that
Auntie, it might bite!
That’s my frost box, no cat,
Though it looks like a cat, with its fluffy stuff, pure white.
You should see the objects it makes!
Millions of needly glass cakes!
Fine for the migraine or the bellyache. And this
Is where I kept the furnace,
Each coal a hot cross-stitch-a lovely light!
It simply exploded one night,
It went up in smoke.
And that’s why I have no hair, auntie, that’s why I choke
Off and on, as if I just had to retch.
Coal gas is ghastly stuff.
Here’s a spot I thought you’d love-
Morning Glory Pool!
The blue’s a jewel.
It boils for forty hours at a stretch.
O I shouldn’t dip my hankie in, it hurts!
Last summer, my God, last summer
It ate seven maids and a plumber
And returned them steamed and pressed and stiff as shirts.
I am bitter? I’m averse?
Here’s your specs, dear, here’s your purse.
Toddle on home to tea now in your flat hat.
It’ll be lemon tea for me,
Lemon tea and earwig biscuits-creepy-creepy.
You’d not want that.
Toddle on home, before the weather’s worse.
Toddle on home, and don’t trip on the nurse!-
She may be bald, she may have no eyes,
But auntie, she’s awfully nice.
She’s pink, she’s a born midwife-
She can bring the dead to life
With her wiggly fingers and for a very small fee.
Well I hope you’ve enjoyed it, auntie!
Toddle on home to tea!
